Thoughts about Comments

Thoughts about Comments

I love all the comments that we do in this class because it lets us read the stories and blog posts from our other classmates and how they interpret some of the stories.  Sometimes their stories can even help spark my imagination and help me with my writing, too.  Everyone in this class is also so nice when it comes to the comments that they post.  All of them have been very uplifting and motivating to keep writing stories.

The thing that makes comments the most helpful to me is when they start off with a positive about the story and then critique it to make it even better.  The comments that are all compliments are really nice to read but I also want to know how to make my stories and writings even better so I can learn from them.

The comments that are memorable to me are the ones that pick about my stories that I write in the storytelling column and give me advise about making my next one even better. The comments that truly leave an impression are the ones that I can tell someone could really relate to my story and the ones that read the original so it was easy for them to compare the two stories. 

Really great comments should include something positive and also a friendly critique to make either that story or the next story that the author writes even better.  I am usually a good commenter when it comes to starting off with the positives but I don’t always include something that the author can work on.  In my comments, sometimes it is hard to understand someone else’s writing style so it’s hard for me to critique it their stories.  I will work harder on trying to incorporate some bits of advise to my comments so the author can learn and grow from what I have to say. 

Extra Reading Week 5: Apache

Apache Tribe

Unlike most stories, the Apache tribe begins from the underworld and people climb up and ascend to the Earth or the upper world.  There was a beaver and a badger that was sent out on an adventure to the upper world.  Once more people entered the upper world, wars began happening.  The people from the lower world gave the people from the upper world lice that started biting them but that made them sleep.  The war was by the river and they began to shoot with bows and arrows.  The shots were not supposed to be taken so they tried to help the wounded man with medicines and herbs. They were one against four with the enemies.  Many people died in this war and they had to report that all of their men were dead.

The next stories in these tales were about the heroes and the owl of their land.  This is a story about their kids going to see their father.  The interaction involved the sun and the fire.  All the children wanted was something to play with so he made them toys.  The kids fell into the fire and the Owls made them into a food to eat in a pot.  There was something about one of the children that made them not die.  The owl noticed that and thought it was supernatural powers. So, they jumped out of the pot and returned to their grandmother’s house.

The tale of the Killing of the Monsters is about killing the Elk that had been killing the people of the village.  A man named Naiyenesgani had been sent out to kill this Elk many times and tried to with different approaches but it was never successful.  Finally after many times of trying, he finally killed him so he took the Elk to use it for the skin and meat.  Naiyenesgani kept the horns of the Elk close to him.  He had a way of making four motions, striking, and then killing people.

Some very important things that I have found about the Apache tribe is how close they are with their extended families and the connection with the animals.  They have many more tales that explain their culture and background of the tribe.

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Storytelling Week 5: Big Brother and Little Brother

Big Brother and Little Brother

Many years ago, there were two brothers that grew up together as best friends.  As they grew older, the older brother, Andrew, began to mature.  He finished school, found a beautiful wife, started a family, and moved out to a vineyard.  Meanwhile, the younger brother, Ben, had a little bit of trouble growing up and wasn’t quite ready to become an adult.

As years went on, Andrew became very successful with his company, earned millions of dollars, and his personality changed for the worse.  He became mad and uptight. He was selfish and very conceited, although, after a little convincing, Andrew agreed to let Ben stay in his house as long as he did all the chores, kept up with all the animals, and slept outside in the barn. "The only way you can stay here, Ben, is if you clean up after my animals and do all my field work for me.  As long as you continue to do my work, you can stay here and I'll look after you," explained Andrew to Ben when he begged and pleaded to stay with him. 

Andrew’s wife acted the same way as Andrew and didn’t think Ben deserved to be in their presence, so she ordered him and ordered him around in hopes that he would leave.  "Do this, clean that, wash these, and don't mess up," ordered the wife as Ben slaved away at their work while she stayed inside and didn't have to worry about anything.  If he messed up even one time on something small or failed to complete one task before sundown, the wife would beat the little brother until he cried and learned to work faster.  Although Ben was grateful for a roof over his head, he was also stubborn.  Ben was sick of being ordered around and beaten by the wife, so one day he yelled at her until she was too scared to talk to him any longer. 

The older brother came home to find his wife in the back of a closet shaking because she was scared of the little brother.  She accused him of beating her and hurting her so the older brother stormed out of the house to kill the younger brother.  Andrew wanted to make sure that could never happen to his wife again.  Ben begged and pleaded with Andrew for him not to hurt him and he tried explaining himself but Andrew didn’t believe him.  He tried everything he could for his brother to believe him but nothing was working and Andrew wouldn't stray away from what his wife proclaimed.  Something in the back of Andrew's head knew he should listen to his little brother instead, but he stuck to his wife's accusation and continued on with the fight.

Ben had nothing else to do but pray to God for help.  Running in the middle of the vineyard, Ben asked God if there was anything He could do to help him.  All of a sudden, a giant river came rushing through separating the two brothers so Andrew could no longer reach Ben to kill him.  Ben thanked God and kept running for the hills.

He found a little shack in the middle of the woods hundreds of miles away from his older brother and all of civilization so nobody could find him.  Although Ben had run away from Andrew, the connection the brothers had from when they were younger was still present.  As children, they made a pact with an angel that they would always stick together no matter what.  "Stuck like glue, you two, will be blue without the company of you," the angel said to them.  If anything were to happen to one another, the angel would send out signs to the other for protection.

One day, years after Ben ran deep into the woods, he came in contact with a disease carried by insects, lost the fight, and passed away.  With the angels above looking down on them for protection,  Andrew rapidly received signals and he knew something wasn’t right. He had to search and seek out his little brother.  After weeks of searching, Andrew found his little brother in the middle of the woods and prayed to God over him again. 

All of a sudden, right before Andrew's eyes, Ben awoke from the dead.  He awoke not in the human form but in the form of a horse that used to roam the vineyards.  The angel that created the powerful bond between the two brothers came down and explained everything that had happened to Andrew.  One could not be on this Earth without the other.  Even if Ben is a horse, they will always be together. Now, his little brother will always protect Andrew, and Ben will always be with his older brother. 

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Author’s Note:

The original story of The Two Brothers was a story about two brothers by the names of Anpu and Bata.  The two brothers were very close growing up. Bata worked for Anpu as a cowherd.  Anpu's wife came on to Bata, so Anpu decided to kill his brother.  In my retelling of this story, I felt uncomfortable talking about how the wife seduced the younger brother, so I changed it to verbally abusing Bata.  After the younger brother ran far away, he started his own life and got married, but the brothers did always have a special connection that no one quite understood.  When the younger brother died, the older brother was sent messages to let him know that his little brother had died so he had to search for him.  When the older brother found him, he tried to revive him and his soul came back as a sacred bull that eventually got sacrificed. 

In the new story, I changed the bull to a horse because it is more applicable to our culture.  The original story also had the river separating the two brothers so Anpu would not kill Bata right away.  That gave Bata time to run and hide.  I added the supernatural character of the angel coming down to bring the brothers together and add a deeper connection.  I felt like the sending of the signals needed to be done by another force that looked over them so angels popped into my mind.  I changed the setting that the original story was taken place.  The original story took place in the ancient Egypt and included a wife that seduced the little brother.  Although those aspects of the story changed, the underlying meaning stayed the same.


Bibliography
"The Two Brothers" by Donald Mackenzie (1907). Website: Ancient Egypt Unit.

Reading Diary Week 5: Egypt

Egypt:

The Two Brothers, Part 1:  The two brothers were Anpu and Bata.  Bata lives in Anpu’s house with his family.  Bata worked in the field while his brother was treated like a god. Bata didn’t even sleep in the house of Anpu’s family, he slept out with the cattle.  Anpu gave many orders to Bata but he gladly did as he said.  The land from the flooding of the Nile became very fertile and it was perfect time to plant.  One day, he was fed up with the wife ordering him around so he beat her. Once the older brother, Anpu came home, he saw that she was hurt and went outside to kill his little brother.

The Two Brothers, Part 2:

The older brother came outside to kill him when the ox that he takes care of warned him that his brother is going to kill him.   As the older brother came towards the little brother, he prayed to Ra and he granted him with a crocodile filled stream to separate them.  Ra will then tell the true story behind the hurting of the wife.  When Anpu found out what really happened between his younger brother and his wife, he was apuled and wanted to be with his little brother.  Bata decided to leave the land and venture out to new areas to get away from the family, but he gave his brother a way to find his soul.  When Bata found out that he wife was killed, the gods told him to return back to his brother.  Ra found Bata the most beautiful wife, they were happy, and he told her everything.

The Two Brothers, Part 3:

The sea spirit got a hold of a part of the wife’s hair, which held a wonderful smell that the king loved.  Bata’s wife was actually Ra’s daughter and many were sent out to find her, but none of them returned.  The daughter didn’t return until an important woman was sent. They decided to cut down the tree that the soul of Bata was held in and his older brother received the signs that his soul had been released.  His brother looked for many years for his soul.  One day, he found the soul and Bata became alive again.

The Two Brothers, Part 4:

Bata came back as a bull and his brother road on his back.  The king was so excited that he awarded the older brother with a lot of gold and silver.  When Bata saw his wife, he explained to her that he is the same soul but now he is a sacred bull.  The daughter wanted the bull to be a sacrifice. 

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Reading Diary A: Egypt

Egypt Unit

Creation:

At the beginning the world was only water called Nu.  It started from a shining egg.  Ra then began to gain power and was the ruler of the gods.  Seb was the Earth god and his wife, Nut was the goddess of the firmament.  Ra looked into space and all of creation was made. He thought it and he saw it and it was made.

Secret name of Ra:

There was one goddess, Isis, which wanted to be as powerful as Ra.  Isis did everything she could to become as powerful as Ra.  She found some of his spit and baked it in the earth. It turned into a scary snake that was supposed to bite Ra but instead the snake got scared and is now invisible to all.  There came a day when the serpent struck Ra and there was a scream heard across the world.  He soon died but his secret name was revealed at Isis.

Ra and Hathor:

Ra became older and this is another story involving a serpent that was invisible to the gods. Hathor was trying to ruin mankind in an attempt to take over Ra.  Ra tries to save mankind.  To get rid of Hathor, Ra sent out the jars which causes a flood that cleansed her soul.  When she woke up she was made happy and didn’t want to ruin mankind any longer.

The Sun’s Journey:

Ra talks about sins and sacrificing according to the divine will.  Shu is the god of the atmosphere and he raises his arms and uplifts over the millions of stars in the dark sky.  Thoth is in charge of recording the sins of man and the underworld.  Ra stands at the entrance of where everyone’s souls get judged in front of Osiris.  Ra has a signature symbol os a script in one hand and an ankh in the other to symbolize life.  Apep, the great Night serpent, wants to overtake Ra and eat him.   They are still explaining the underworld and go on to tell about the being with three human heads, the snake’s body, and the wings of a hawk.  Apep tries to make his move on killing Ra but instead, right when he thinks he has him, the allies of the god stab it until it dies. The sun god is reborn and given the name the “Divine Life” but beetles come out of his mouth. 

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